Better week

Well this week has been better. Saturday I was worn out after spending the afternoon outside celebrating my SIL's 40th birthday, I had no work out energy left. It was a great afternoon and very good food. I was really glad it was my cheat day. My body likes cheat day but has also realized I can't eat as much as I use to be able too - which is a good thing. They had pop and I am happy to say that I left it alone and only had 1 coffee all afternoon. The pop and beer was there and boy did I want one but left it all alone. I feel proud for doing that. I feel like I have more control over what I eat/drink. This month is almost over and I can do it!!!!

Being Monday though it was a weigh in day. After last weeks disappointment I have to admit that I was scared about what the scale would say. I know this week I watched more carefully what I ate. Although missed Saturdays workout I ran 10 minutes - which was 1 1/3 miles or 2.15 km this time. I haven't ran that far in a very long time. Today though my calfs and upper back are really sore. I think I will time it around my block and instead of running in the livingroom run around the block instead. Now that it's so nice outside.

But down to the part people are most curious about. I lost another 2lbs - only 20lbs to go until I reach my first goal. I say first because I have alot more weight than that to loose but if I take it in steps it will be so much easier.

Things I did this week to help - worked out, watched my calories better, had fun and today I took the skin fat off the chicken before marinating it to bbq. Something that will be better for the whole family. My youngest loves watching me work out and on and off will work out with me, that is when he isn't laughing at Bob on the wii or falling asleep. I have positioned my workouts to happen after lunch, prime sleeping time for a little boy. And if sitting on the couch watching makes him fall asleep is that really my fault?

I needed this better week to keep motivated easier. I will not give up. This is something that needs to be done. Summer is coming up and I don't want to be a total blob in my bathing suit because if this Winter/Spring is any indication of what's to come this summer it's going to be a hot one.

Chicken

Today was a chilly but sunny day when I got up. I remember that before I worked I went to a bible study on Wednesday mornings and really felt good - physically and mentally. With everything going on I stopped going and then I couldn't when I worked. I started getting depressed some and really not myself at all. Well today, I got up, remembered it was Wednesday and told Timothy he was going to another play group. Off we go to bible study. The Christian community center here is in a duplex. The ladies go on one side for the bible study and the other side is set up like a daycare for kids. It's wonderful. One of the ladies who was there before was there and Timothy was very happy to see her. Definately made that a trouble free drop off. I was warmly welcomed back as well. One of the ladies was sorry that I lost my job but glad I was back.

What does this all have to do with chicken though you are likely wondering. No I didn't get any while there and I didn't play it either. My husband left for work and we passed ways on our way back. I get into the house and look on the oven and there are these 4 beautiful chicken breasts on the oven. Which means that's what's for supper tonight - great man he is, he won't be home but pulled out meat anyways. These are so big though I can make 2 for the 5 of us. The three little kids can eat one and my oldest and I can share the other one. These breasts are the size of my hand and a little bigger. The thickest part is over an inch thick. I ate chicken 2 nights ago with one breast, made 2 chicken tacos and the kids had hamburger meat in theirs and one breast was too much for the tacos I made. I ate the difference mind you. (That meal was only 550 calories for dinner - it was a good day). I love chicken but can already hear the groans from my oldest child - he's my red meat boy, something we don't eat often in our home.

Bitch Week

That is what it is here. Some of my friends will understand while others will wonder. It's Monday and that means weigh in day. Who the heck plateaus in week 2. I didn't go on the cruise. I did my work outs. I tried. I definately didn't do it well enough though. I'm still 22lbs away from my goal. How can that be? The days before bitch week come are not good days for me. I like to eat. All the work I did went down the drain with that Tomato Soup cake and those extra chicken nuggets. I new as I ate them that I shouldn't and it would throw my calorie intake into overdrive. I'm not feeling good that this has happened. I'm going to be more careful this week on calorie intake, that's for sure. This will definately be the hardest to not have chocolate and pepsi going.

My other big goal for this week is to eat breakfast within 30 minutes of getting up in the morning. I'm not a breakfast person, coffee is good enough - at least it was. Now i'm going to make an effort to eat something decent. Facebook and emails will have to wait until the food is in. I hope my virtual friends don't mind but it's something I have to do. As to my sister, who I know reads these, i'm 2 hours ahead of you so it's not like you will notice a difference. I can still check for sister messages and respond before you are even out of bed.

Today I received 2 coupons one was a b1g1 free CHOCOLATE bar. The other was just for a free CHOCOLATE bar. Is the world telling me something. I'm trying to be a better person - that chocolate will have to wait another 11 days and then it will depend on if I can make room for it. I mean 16 junior mints is 170 calories so I have to learn self control really fast. I haven't even looked at a chocolate bar - i'm sort of scared too.

So I know what I did wrong and I know what I have to improve and have set a new goal for this week. I will be successful, i'll just have to work a little harder.

Sabotage

I thought I was doing something good for myself and my children. Loosing alot of the excess weight so I can run and have fun again with them and be more active myself is a win/win situation. The kids get an active mom back and I get a healthier life. Now don't get me wrong, I still do lots with the kids, I can still go on hikes and stuff with them but when it comes to races, tag, soccer, anything that takes alot of running I just can't do it. I don't have the energy to. I'm going to change that though.

Why does it feel that so many people who should be happy and encouraging me is trying to sabotage me though. I vowed not to have chocolate and my dad new that. Yet he has to tease me with chocolate and how good it is and all the rest. For those that know me, chocolate is a huge downfall for me and something that I consume way too much. I just wanted to go the rest of April without having any. My mom brought me back a "big box size" of junior mints - one of my favourite junk food of all times. To her defense she didn't know I wasn't eating chocolate the rest of the month - this started after she went away. The box of junior mints is sitting in the office staring at me every time I come in here. Last night at her house though she tossed me a mini chocolate bar (one of the little halloween size ones) and before I new it I had it open and eaten. Now that goal is gone - I didn't do it because of one little almonds bar - the chocolate covered coconut was so tasty. I will not eat any more before the end of the month though. The junior mint box will remain untouched.

The biggest person trying to sabotage me though is my husband. I don't think he is capable of supporting me in this. All he ever wants to eat is processed crap and stuff smothered in sauces and such. Now don't get me wrong, I do love my processed crap too but in moderation. He wanted pogos and fries today for lunch and a huge rack of ribs for supper - smothered in bbq sauce. I turned down the lunch and he then cooked Kraft Dinner and gave me a whole cereal bowl full smothered in ketchup. I didn't eat much of it as it tasted way to salty and heck that was 3-4 portions in the bowl. Definately too much for anyone. Why can't he just give normal servings and then veggies. We have lots of carrots and celery sticks that would have been much better than a pile of pasta with fake cheese. Today isn't the only time, this is all the time. I have requested that he don't use so much salad dressing for me OR the kids. Ceasar salad is good and all but when you have so much cheese and salad dressing all you see is white when you look at the salad it's gross. Time to learn portion control. To help for me i've used a smaller plate - the same size kids use. He still uses a big plate and has it FULL of food. I'm not saying he shouldn't eat what he wants and has to cut way back like I have - but at least be supportive and eat better. If he cooks it would be great if he could make sure that the meal stays in a decent calorie range. I can't eat 2000 calories for supper when I only have 1800 for the WHOLE day. He doesn't understand this. I showed him the example between ceasar salad and chips. I made myself a salad and put it on the plate on one side, on the other side I put the number of chips that equaled the calories. There was less than 1/2 the chips, very little food. He thought it was great and had a salad instead and then ate 1/2 a big bag of chips as well. It's so frustrating that he doesn't care. I guess this is a huge hurdle in the way of reaching my goals and I'll have to find a way to deal with it.

Words

As I go through the week with Alex away it's interesting to read their status updates. Alex will go on and post that they just left wherever they have been. Great, I know he is ok - and I know it's him because only he could spell like he does. Then I read my dad's status update and I find out what they actually did and saw. That also leaves me feeling good to know they are having a great time, and are doing well. Although Alex is missing school all week he is learning alot of geography and history while away. He has a map of where the cruise ship is going. He's kayaked in Mexico, biked in Costa Rica and hiked in the jungle and today is going to visit an Embara Indian Tribe in Panama. Valuable lessons will be learned and great experiences had. I hope when he returns though his journal is a little more detailed as to the adventures he's been on.

Other interesting words to read are packages. I've learned to successfully read the nutrition information on packages. I can say i've had 400 calories so far today. Not bad seeing i've had breakfast and a snack. I'm allowed between 1400-1600 more. Coupons on packages can cause issues for cashiers in stores as well. I had one from a cereal box - to get a free box of cereal. The kids will eat the cereal as it's corn pops but they are lucky to have it. The cashier flipped the coupon over 3 times and then had to ask me what it was for. Maybe she couldn't read the big FREE on one side. I explained it to her and finally got the cereal free. Bonus is that on the new box of cereal I can get a free frozen OJ concentrate.

Words can give people so much satisfaction in many situations - knowing your family is safe, knowing that you are eating well or knowing something is free. All of these are great uses of words.

Ever fearful Weigh-In

I only do this once a week because all I need is to panic i'm not loosing anything and my efforts are pointless. This week I watched what I ate - weekend was free days - didn't eat chocolate or consume any pop. I made an effort to make better food choices while out as well. I worked out every second day. I want to try to up that to a little every day. I know the Wii fit board is accurate. My dad and son weighed their suitcases on it before going on their cruise. When we got to the airport and they were weighed again low and behold the exact same amount as at my house. This week I lost 3 lbs. Not a big number but definately a start. My goal is 25lbs before the end of June when the kids get out of school. That leaves 22lbs to goal.

What makes me feel good as it was simple changes that did this. Nothing really big.

Weekend update

Alex is on his cruise with my dad. The two will be gone another 8 days. I had to get up way to early to bring them to the airport but the benefit is I have a vehicle while they are away but the downside is they come home really late at night and I am usually in bed by then but have to go pick them up. I wish I could see his face as he sees so many things for the first time. I know they will come back with lots of pictures though.

The weight loss battle continues. I've been working out daily and really watching what I heat. Bob Harper (from the biggest loser) put out a challenge of no pop for the whole month. I decided to do join in on the challenge. Today was a hard day for it. We went to the movies and got a snack - I always get pop. I was strong - or maybe stupid - and asked for water. Not sure what they put in it but for the price you pay it should be good. Other times where I have had to try is when I took Timothy to Subway for lunch the other day. Pop would have been great with my meal - I always get it. I did good though and had milk instead. I feel really good because I didn't get the "usual" beverage of choice when I was out this week - rather opted for the healthier one. After eating way too many chocolates last weekend I also gave myself another challenge - NO chocolate for the rest of the month. I am doing AWESOME at this one as well. The temptation is right beside me - every day as I sit at the computer - but I don't touch it. My dad even had some dark chocolate and made me smell it and I still said NO - that one was easy because i'm not a dark chocolate fan. For me not to have pop or chocolate is a really hard thing but I am doing it. I'm not weighting myself in every day - I can't do that it would drive me crazy, my weigh in is on Mondays. I am hoping to see some good news.

Is this Rock Bottom??????

I'm really hoping this is what rock bottom feels like. I don't know if I can handle worse. I started a profile on the Biggest Loser Wii game and embarrassment set in hard. I have never been this heavy in my life and bet i'm the heaviest girl in the family now. Wouldn't be bad if I was the tallest in the whole family but i'm not, i'm the shortest. I should have known better when clothes weren't fitting quite right but I if I could just squeeze into them maybe things weren't that bad.

My biggest problem is food. I know I overeat and my portions are out of control some days - not like the 1/2 ton people on tv or anything like that - but definately more than someone my size should eat, or should I say more than someone what should be my size should eat. I also eat too much chocolate, donuts and other bad things. For starters chocolate and pop has been cut out of the diet for this month. I did have a pop on April 2nd before I started this, but just that one at the movie theater. Chocolate I cut yesterday and I didn't have ANY. Now those that know me well know that when af visits pepsi and chocolate are my best friends. It's time to find a healthy substitute for then though. I"m also going to be more aware of the amount of food I eat at meals. For starters Breakfast i'm actually going to have something other than just coffee. Yes, it's sad but i'm a coffee for breakfast person - but now it will go with something else. Lunch i'm going to make sure I eat at lunch time. Supper i'm going to take a little less than usual, especially on pasta night, and i'm going to get that meal down to a more healthy portion as time goes on.

Yesterday was a new start for me. I will never weigh that much again in my life. I weigh in once a week and will update on my progress. I need to be healthy for me and for my family. The cupboards are running low and i'm going to the grocery store this weekend. They will keep the junk food there and i'll bring home healthier options instead. I can do this and I will do this.

Time

It's been 2 weeks since i've worked. It's like I haven't been at work forever already but at the same time it's hard to beleive it's already been this long. Not many jobs out there that I qualify for so i'm enjoying my time while I have it. Today was nice getting some grocery shopping done with one helper. And a very big helper he is. He made the big decision about what package of cheese sticks we should buy. When we got to the yogurt section he reminded me that we needed more. Didn't quite understand why we didn't need as much as he wanted to buy though. He helped picking out the ham for Easter dinner. Laughed at some of them because they looked funny, wanted to buy bacon because it comes from a pig like ham does and he likes bacon so it must be the same thing. I obviously don't have ham nearly enough that my son can tell the difference. He wanted 2 big bags of potatoes and was shocked when that's what we got. With 6 of us regularly and extras now and then it really doesn't last all that long and they were a great price. He also got to pick what can of coffee we were going to buy. When we had those things mommy was more than happy when he wanted to look at the movies that were right by the Easter candy so the Easter Bunny could pick up some much needed chocolate. When it came time to pay he was distracted by the till while I put all the Easter candy on, then he helped. The cashier was great and bagged the candy for me - this was at Superstore where you are suppose to bag your own - so that the little Prince didn't see it. When we paid he even helped me make sure everything fit onto the stroller so we could walk home. I did get funny looks having a 3 year old and a stroller. Silly people, the stroller isn't for the kid - it's for the groceries. You can't seriously expect me to carry home all that heavy stuff and keep an active preschooler away from the road knowing that my hands are full. I have baby rings on the handle of the stroller that we unhooked one end and he held them nicely and at times the clip to lock the stroller together nicely, all the way home.

It was a great shopping trip with him today.