For those who have known my family we have had a lot of rocky times in the past. Now I don't know if i'm going through a rocky time or not. On one hand I say I am and on the other I say i'm better off than ever before. Let me explain, come on now, if you know me you knew I would.
Making me down is that my husband decided that getting off on porn was what he wanted to do. No he just didn't want to watch it but actually went to the sites for pleasure and relief and to make himself happy. Then to top things off he had to lie about it. I was in our bedroom upstairs, alone, while this was going on. It took him a couple weeks before actually admitting it was him, and that was only because I told him that I was going to tell the babysitters parents that they went to the site because my husband swears up one side of me and down the other it wasn't them. I feel extremely betrayed by this and right now I can't trust him at all. Right now he isn't allowed on the computer and I have changed the password to get on. This is one of my lowest parts to know my partner has cheated. I'm curious if he has in real life now too. I asked him if I was good enough for him and the bastard said no. Then, like any dog would, he tried to take it back but it was too late, the damage had been done.
My biggest highlight is I'm feeling very successful with my daycare. I love having the kids come over every day. Hell I get paid to play for a living, can't beat that. I know I have to stop and feed the kids and make sure they are clean and all but it's so much fun. I'm really loving it and am thrilled that I can stay home with my kids while helping other people who choose not to. To me I have the best of both worlds.
2 comments:
you should have him consider therapy for you 2. this isnt the first time you have serious problems. im afraid that if you dont nip the prob in the butt right now you might when its too late. being alone with 4 kids wont be fun also. *hugs*
He is starting it for his anger and stress, we will go from there and see how things are going. I'm definately not taking any drastic moves just yet. Not saying if things don't change I won't. I need his anger under control so I can talk to him and hope he won't lie.
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