Sabotage

I thought I was doing something good for myself and my children. Loosing alot of the excess weight so I can run and have fun again with them and be more active myself is a win/win situation. The kids get an active mom back and I get a healthier life. Now don't get me wrong, I still do lots with the kids, I can still go on hikes and stuff with them but when it comes to races, tag, soccer, anything that takes alot of running I just can't do it. I don't have the energy to. I'm going to change that though.

Why does it feel that so many people who should be happy and encouraging me is trying to sabotage me though. I vowed not to have chocolate and my dad new that. Yet he has to tease me with chocolate and how good it is and all the rest. For those that know me, chocolate is a huge downfall for me and something that I consume way too much. I just wanted to go the rest of April without having any. My mom brought me back a "big box size" of junior mints - one of my favourite junk food of all times. To her defense she didn't know I wasn't eating chocolate the rest of the month - this started after she went away. The box of junior mints is sitting in the office staring at me every time I come in here. Last night at her house though she tossed me a mini chocolate bar (one of the little halloween size ones) and before I new it I had it open and eaten. Now that goal is gone - I didn't do it because of one little almonds bar - the chocolate covered coconut was so tasty. I will not eat any more before the end of the month though. The junior mint box will remain untouched.

The biggest person trying to sabotage me though is my husband. I don't think he is capable of supporting me in this. All he ever wants to eat is processed crap and stuff smothered in sauces and such. Now don't get me wrong, I do love my processed crap too but in moderation. He wanted pogos and fries today for lunch and a huge rack of ribs for supper - smothered in bbq sauce. I turned down the lunch and he then cooked Kraft Dinner and gave me a whole cereal bowl full smothered in ketchup. I didn't eat much of it as it tasted way to salty and heck that was 3-4 portions in the bowl. Definately too much for anyone. Why can't he just give normal servings and then veggies. We have lots of carrots and celery sticks that would have been much better than a pile of pasta with fake cheese. Today isn't the only time, this is all the time. I have requested that he don't use so much salad dressing for me OR the kids. Ceasar salad is good and all but when you have so much cheese and salad dressing all you see is white when you look at the salad it's gross. Time to learn portion control. To help for me i've used a smaller plate - the same size kids use. He still uses a big plate and has it FULL of food. I'm not saying he shouldn't eat what he wants and has to cut way back like I have - but at least be supportive and eat better. If he cooks it would be great if he could make sure that the meal stays in a decent calorie range. I can't eat 2000 calories for supper when I only have 1800 for the WHOLE day. He doesn't understand this. I showed him the example between ceasar salad and chips. I made myself a salad and put it on the plate on one side, on the other side I put the number of chips that equaled the calories. There was less than 1/2 the chips, very little food. He thought it was great and had a salad instead and then ate 1/2 a big bag of chips as well. It's so frustrating that he doesn't care. I guess this is a huge hurdle in the way of reaching my goals and I'll have to find a way to deal with it.

Words

As I go through the week with Alex away it's interesting to read their status updates. Alex will go on and post that they just left wherever they have been. Great, I know he is ok - and I know it's him because only he could spell like he does. Then I read my dad's status update and I find out what they actually did and saw. That also leaves me feeling good to know they are having a great time, and are doing well. Although Alex is missing school all week he is learning alot of geography and history while away. He has a map of where the cruise ship is going. He's kayaked in Mexico, biked in Costa Rica and hiked in the jungle and today is going to visit an Embara Indian Tribe in Panama. Valuable lessons will be learned and great experiences had. I hope when he returns though his journal is a little more detailed as to the adventures he's been on.

Other interesting words to read are packages. I've learned to successfully read the nutrition information on packages. I can say i've had 400 calories so far today. Not bad seeing i've had breakfast and a snack. I'm allowed between 1400-1600 more. Coupons on packages can cause issues for cashiers in stores as well. I had one from a cereal box - to get a free box of cereal. The kids will eat the cereal as it's corn pops but they are lucky to have it. The cashier flipped the coupon over 3 times and then had to ask me what it was for. Maybe she couldn't read the big FREE on one side. I explained it to her and finally got the cereal free. Bonus is that on the new box of cereal I can get a free frozen OJ concentrate.

Words can give people so much satisfaction in many situations - knowing your family is safe, knowing that you are eating well or knowing something is free. All of these are great uses of words.

Ever fearful Weigh-In

I only do this once a week because all I need is to panic i'm not loosing anything and my efforts are pointless. This week I watched what I ate - weekend was free days - didn't eat chocolate or consume any pop. I made an effort to make better food choices while out as well. I worked out every second day. I want to try to up that to a little every day. I know the Wii fit board is accurate. My dad and son weighed their suitcases on it before going on their cruise. When we got to the airport and they were weighed again low and behold the exact same amount as at my house. This week I lost 3 lbs. Not a big number but definately a start. My goal is 25lbs before the end of June when the kids get out of school. That leaves 22lbs to goal.

What makes me feel good as it was simple changes that did this. Nothing really big.

Weekend update

Alex is on his cruise with my dad. The two will be gone another 8 days. I had to get up way to early to bring them to the airport but the benefit is I have a vehicle while they are away but the downside is they come home really late at night and I am usually in bed by then but have to go pick them up. I wish I could see his face as he sees so many things for the first time. I know they will come back with lots of pictures though.

The weight loss battle continues. I've been working out daily and really watching what I heat. Bob Harper (from the biggest loser) put out a challenge of no pop for the whole month. I decided to do join in on the challenge. Today was a hard day for it. We went to the movies and got a snack - I always get pop. I was strong - or maybe stupid - and asked for water. Not sure what they put in it but for the price you pay it should be good. Other times where I have had to try is when I took Timothy to Subway for lunch the other day. Pop would have been great with my meal - I always get it. I did good though and had milk instead. I feel really good because I didn't get the "usual" beverage of choice when I was out this week - rather opted for the healthier one. After eating way too many chocolates last weekend I also gave myself another challenge - NO chocolate for the rest of the month. I am doing AWESOME at this one as well. The temptation is right beside me - every day as I sit at the computer - but I don't touch it. My dad even had some dark chocolate and made me smell it and I still said NO - that one was easy because i'm not a dark chocolate fan. For me not to have pop or chocolate is a really hard thing but I am doing it. I'm not weighting myself in every day - I can't do that it would drive me crazy, my weigh in is on Mondays. I am hoping to see some good news.

Is this Rock Bottom??????

I'm really hoping this is what rock bottom feels like. I don't know if I can handle worse. I started a profile on the Biggest Loser Wii game and embarrassment set in hard. I have never been this heavy in my life and bet i'm the heaviest girl in the family now. Wouldn't be bad if I was the tallest in the whole family but i'm not, i'm the shortest. I should have known better when clothes weren't fitting quite right but I if I could just squeeze into them maybe things weren't that bad.

My biggest problem is food. I know I overeat and my portions are out of control some days - not like the 1/2 ton people on tv or anything like that - but definately more than someone my size should eat, or should I say more than someone what should be my size should eat. I also eat too much chocolate, donuts and other bad things. For starters chocolate and pop has been cut out of the diet for this month. I did have a pop on April 2nd before I started this, but just that one at the movie theater. Chocolate I cut yesterday and I didn't have ANY. Now those that know me well know that when af visits pepsi and chocolate are my best friends. It's time to find a healthy substitute for then though. I"m also going to be more aware of the amount of food I eat at meals. For starters Breakfast i'm actually going to have something other than just coffee. Yes, it's sad but i'm a coffee for breakfast person - but now it will go with something else. Lunch i'm going to make sure I eat at lunch time. Supper i'm going to take a little less than usual, especially on pasta night, and i'm going to get that meal down to a more healthy portion as time goes on.

Yesterday was a new start for me. I will never weigh that much again in my life. I weigh in once a week and will update on my progress. I need to be healthy for me and for my family. The cupboards are running low and i'm going to the grocery store this weekend. They will keep the junk food there and i'll bring home healthier options instead. I can do this and I will do this.

Time

It's been 2 weeks since i've worked. It's like I haven't been at work forever already but at the same time it's hard to beleive it's already been this long. Not many jobs out there that I qualify for so i'm enjoying my time while I have it. Today was nice getting some grocery shopping done with one helper. And a very big helper he is. He made the big decision about what package of cheese sticks we should buy. When we got to the yogurt section he reminded me that we needed more. Didn't quite understand why we didn't need as much as he wanted to buy though. He helped picking out the ham for Easter dinner. Laughed at some of them because they looked funny, wanted to buy bacon because it comes from a pig like ham does and he likes bacon so it must be the same thing. I obviously don't have ham nearly enough that my son can tell the difference. He wanted 2 big bags of potatoes and was shocked when that's what we got. With 6 of us regularly and extras now and then it really doesn't last all that long and they were a great price. He also got to pick what can of coffee we were going to buy. When we had those things mommy was more than happy when he wanted to look at the movies that were right by the Easter candy so the Easter Bunny could pick up some much needed chocolate. When it came time to pay he was distracted by the till while I put all the Easter candy on, then he helped. The cashier was great and bagged the candy for me - this was at Superstore where you are suppose to bag your own - so that the little Prince didn't see it. When we paid he even helped me make sure everything fit onto the stroller so we could walk home. I did get funny looks having a 3 year old and a stroller. Silly people, the stroller isn't for the kid - it's for the groceries. You can't seriously expect me to carry home all that heavy stuff and keep an active preschooler away from the road knowing that my hands are full. I have baby rings on the handle of the stroller that we unhooked one end and he held them nicely and at times the clip to lock the stroller together nicely, all the way home.

It was a great shopping trip with him today.

Relaxing

That is what my morning was like today. Very relaxing. And yes I did have to get all my kids up for school. I woke up 45 minutes later than usual by a little voice informing me "I have to pee mommy". I turned on the light and went back to bed. A couple minutes later my little prince came and joined me in bed so I turned on Treehouse and all was good. That seemed to have woken up the Princess who said she wanted to wear a dress to school. No big deal. I figure there is no more sleep in mommyland and with only 10 minutes before the alarm went off I wasn't too worried. The boys were awake enough to talk to me when I opened their doors. Their was no battle to get either of them out of bed. They ate breakfast and made their lunches and didn't fight. They got out the door to school and 2 of them had to be called back to get books they had forgotten. Little Prince wanted to play the wii so he did while I looked online for jobs. We had snack and played playdoh. Daddy called and wanted to have lunch together seeing he had an hour break today so off we went. Now we are home and it's quiet time - and he is being really quiet so I don't dare disturb him.