Fall

Well summer was great and fall has been good too. The only thing that could have been better is if it was 40C with the humidex one day and barely pushing 20C the next and it's cooled right down now. Low single digits at night and teens in the day. It was like a switch.

That switch also did other things too. Alex loves school again. He is thoroughly enjoying it and is excited to go every morning. Flash back to a couple years ago when he was finishing Grade 4 and I had to drag him to school because he didn't want to go. Grade 5 and 6 were pretty good and he was happy again as we changed schools but now he is in PJP II he is excited. It's great to see that on his face and hear about his day when he comes home.

Keona also had a switch. The bratty girl hasn't returned to school. Some good girl has taken her place. It's a pleasant surprise. I had a talk with her teacher and he told me what he was doing to try to keep her in check - a must do thing - and it sounds great. I let him know that any issues to let me know right away. I made sure he knew that I had no problems working with him to make sure she has a successful year, that is, as long as he doesn't give into her ever. I saw him again and she is still doing well. She may actually have a teacher than can handle her and it's a good feeling.

The other two kids are doing well too. The baby is so excited that he has school next week and gets to be a big kid. The other one, well he's the same - nothing has really changed in him.

Here's to good marks and happy kids!!!

Summer

It's now summer. I'm trying not to blink as it seems to be going by too fast. The kids have been busy and i've had to keep them at the right place at the right time. June 25th was the last day of school. The pool also opened that day.

In ran Alex after school and off to the pool he went. Son #1 is old enough and can swim enough to go alone to the pool. There is 3-4 lifegaurds watching it at all times so I know he's safe. He did sleep at home for a night. Then it started, he was off to a friends house for a few nights. July 1-10 he was at camp and my dad's house. Slept at home another night and then July 11-15 he was in Winnipeg with my dad, slept at his house the night he came back. Yesterday his friend asks if he can sleep over at his grandpa's house. I call Alex and find out what he needs so I can pack an overnight bag and take what he has to wash. Last night he slept at his friends grandpas and won't be home until it's time to go to the Chill game tonight. He will sleep at my house tonight but then from July 18-24 he is at Camp Gitchigomee. In a month I think he has slept at home MAYBE 5 nights. This is a boy who was all excited that he was going to be able to see his friends all summer as i'm still laid off and haven't found another job, which means no daycare for them. At least he is keeping busy.

Zachary had VBS the first week out of school, Camp Gitchigomee the second week, cooking class Monday - Thursday this past week and is now slowed right down. He has snuck in a couple nights at Granddad's camp too. Tomorrow at church we have a bbq and petting zoo to kick of our VBS - which he will attend. A much slower summer for him.

Then there's the Princess, this is her summer to go on a trip with her Nana. Her summer started like Zachary's did, vbs, Gitchimomee (they were same week) and cooking class. However after cooking on Thursday we bought her pretty white sandals to go with her knock out dresses and off the airport she went. She is in Prince Edward Island for the week. She does arrive home until Wednesday at 11:11pm. She is in for one heck of a surprise when she does. That will be another blog entry though.

Timothy has had great fun with his mommy. He's been too young still do do what the big kids have. The one thing he can do is go camping with Granddad because he is house broken. He went for a couple nights and that was long enough, he was ready to see his mommy again. He had so much fun and all the pictures, even the ones he didn't know were being taken he had a big smile on his face. He gets to go back to camp after church tomorrow for a couple nights. He will love the petting zoo. He will be able to go to VBS at our church when he comes home from camp. His big thing this summer is gymnastics. He is enjoying it very much.

We also have season tickets for the chill so this weekend and next we will be enjoying the entertainment. Last night they were in white uniforms and it rained, it took my dad about 1/2 the game to realize what I meant when I said it would be extra good tonight. They won last night sealing a spot in the playoffs for themselves for the 4th straight year.

Much needed

Sometimes things really seem to suck. Nothing seems to go the way you are hoping it too. I've had alot of times like that in the last little bit. I've been trying to loose weight and this is week 5. Two of those weeks though there was no weight loss and it was definately frustrating. It's hard to work out and try to eat right just to see that it isn't enough. I have tried on numerous occasions to get my weight into check, all failed attempts. I don't want to fail this time. I want it to work out for me.

This week I was hoping to see another loss. I was pleasantly surprised at what I saw. Not only did I loose but I dropped 5 lbs!!!!!! That is as much as I have lost since starting this time. I am only 15lbs away from my first goal and it feels more real now, like I can do it. It is something very achievable, not just words. I try to eat well all week and then on Saturdays it's my free day. I have been finding that even on Saturdays I don't want to eat as much. Just the sheer amount of food that I consume has dropped. I can't eat as much sugary, greasy stuff that I use to. I can still eat it but in moderation, not like before.

This weekend is my sons birthday party and I had to decide what to serve. It's on my cheat day so it doesn't matter what I put out, I can eat it. It has come down to birthday cake, all 4 year olds need birthday cake, a fruit tray, chips and meat, cheese and cracker tray (I think). I'm going out tomorrow to buy all the fruit I need and extra, fruit is a very good thing in my home. The kids and I can't get enough of it. For his party I have some healthy options and then some not so much. I don't have to feel guilty for eating what I want Saturday afternoon.

This is working for me and my kids. I'm getting happy again.

Roller Coaster

That's what I feel like i'm on lately. I just wish I could stay on the top - or at least most of the way up. Bad things this week is that I didn't loose any weight again, hubby fell again and has missed even more work. Good things are my little mans birthday party for his friends is on Friday and he is very excited, also, I have a job interview today.

Now the job interview could go either way. I'm loving being able to stay home with my kids again, it's great. But on the other hand making money is great too. I wish I new what to do about this. I'm going to go to the interview and see what they have to say at least. Find out as much as I can. I'm really hoping I can get a Monday to Friday job again, it works best for my family. That means I will also have to get Timothy into daycare again. As much fun as he had I don't know if I can do that. I do NEED to have his first day of school off, no way can I miss that, it's to important of a day for him. Working and bringing home a paycheque again will be nice though, I wish that I could fill up my daycare and have work, money and be home with my kids.

Better week

Well this week has been better. Saturday I was worn out after spending the afternoon outside celebrating my SIL's 40th birthday, I had no work out energy left. It was a great afternoon and very good food. I was really glad it was my cheat day. My body likes cheat day but has also realized I can't eat as much as I use to be able too - which is a good thing. They had pop and I am happy to say that I left it alone and only had 1 coffee all afternoon. The pop and beer was there and boy did I want one but left it all alone. I feel proud for doing that. I feel like I have more control over what I eat/drink. This month is almost over and I can do it!!!!

Being Monday though it was a weigh in day. After last weeks disappointment I have to admit that I was scared about what the scale would say. I know this week I watched more carefully what I ate. Although missed Saturdays workout I ran 10 minutes - which was 1 1/3 miles or 2.15 km this time. I haven't ran that far in a very long time. Today though my calfs and upper back are really sore. I think I will time it around my block and instead of running in the livingroom run around the block instead. Now that it's so nice outside.

But down to the part people are most curious about. I lost another 2lbs - only 20lbs to go until I reach my first goal. I say first because I have alot more weight than that to loose but if I take it in steps it will be so much easier.

Things I did this week to help - worked out, watched my calories better, had fun and today I took the skin fat off the chicken before marinating it to bbq. Something that will be better for the whole family. My youngest loves watching me work out and on and off will work out with me, that is when he isn't laughing at Bob on the wii or falling asleep. I have positioned my workouts to happen after lunch, prime sleeping time for a little boy. And if sitting on the couch watching makes him fall asleep is that really my fault?

I needed this better week to keep motivated easier. I will not give up. This is something that needs to be done. Summer is coming up and I don't want to be a total blob in my bathing suit because if this Winter/Spring is any indication of what's to come this summer it's going to be a hot one.

Chicken

Today was a chilly but sunny day when I got up. I remember that before I worked I went to a bible study on Wednesday mornings and really felt good - physically and mentally. With everything going on I stopped going and then I couldn't when I worked. I started getting depressed some and really not myself at all. Well today, I got up, remembered it was Wednesday and told Timothy he was going to another play group. Off we go to bible study. The Christian community center here is in a duplex. The ladies go on one side for the bible study and the other side is set up like a daycare for kids. It's wonderful. One of the ladies who was there before was there and Timothy was very happy to see her. Definately made that a trouble free drop off. I was warmly welcomed back as well. One of the ladies was sorry that I lost my job but glad I was back.

What does this all have to do with chicken though you are likely wondering. No I didn't get any while there and I didn't play it either. My husband left for work and we passed ways on our way back. I get into the house and look on the oven and there are these 4 beautiful chicken breasts on the oven. Which means that's what's for supper tonight - great man he is, he won't be home but pulled out meat anyways. These are so big though I can make 2 for the 5 of us. The three little kids can eat one and my oldest and I can share the other one. These breasts are the size of my hand and a little bigger. The thickest part is over an inch thick. I ate chicken 2 nights ago with one breast, made 2 chicken tacos and the kids had hamburger meat in theirs and one breast was too much for the tacos I made. I ate the difference mind you. (That meal was only 550 calories for dinner - it was a good day). I love chicken but can already hear the groans from my oldest child - he's my red meat boy, something we don't eat often in our home.

Bitch Week

That is what it is here. Some of my friends will understand while others will wonder. It's Monday and that means weigh in day. Who the heck plateaus in week 2. I didn't go on the cruise. I did my work outs. I tried. I definately didn't do it well enough though. I'm still 22lbs away from my goal. How can that be? The days before bitch week come are not good days for me. I like to eat. All the work I did went down the drain with that Tomato Soup cake and those extra chicken nuggets. I new as I ate them that I shouldn't and it would throw my calorie intake into overdrive. I'm not feeling good that this has happened. I'm going to be more careful this week on calorie intake, that's for sure. This will definately be the hardest to not have chocolate and pepsi going.

My other big goal for this week is to eat breakfast within 30 minutes of getting up in the morning. I'm not a breakfast person, coffee is good enough - at least it was. Now i'm going to make an effort to eat something decent. Facebook and emails will have to wait until the food is in. I hope my virtual friends don't mind but it's something I have to do. As to my sister, who I know reads these, i'm 2 hours ahead of you so it's not like you will notice a difference. I can still check for sister messages and respond before you are even out of bed.

Today I received 2 coupons one was a b1g1 free CHOCOLATE bar. The other was just for a free CHOCOLATE bar. Is the world telling me something. I'm trying to be a better person - that chocolate will have to wait another 11 days and then it will depend on if I can make room for it. I mean 16 junior mints is 170 calories so I have to learn self control really fast. I haven't even looked at a chocolate bar - i'm sort of scared too.

So I know what I did wrong and I know what I have to improve and have set a new goal for this week. I will be successful, i'll just have to work a little harder.

Sabotage

I thought I was doing something good for myself and my children. Loosing alot of the excess weight so I can run and have fun again with them and be more active myself is a win/win situation. The kids get an active mom back and I get a healthier life. Now don't get me wrong, I still do lots with the kids, I can still go on hikes and stuff with them but when it comes to races, tag, soccer, anything that takes alot of running I just can't do it. I don't have the energy to. I'm going to change that though.

Why does it feel that so many people who should be happy and encouraging me is trying to sabotage me though. I vowed not to have chocolate and my dad new that. Yet he has to tease me with chocolate and how good it is and all the rest. For those that know me, chocolate is a huge downfall for me and something that I consume way too much. I just wanted to go the rest of April without having any. My mom brought me back a "big box size" of junior mints - one of my favourite junk food of all times. To her defense she didn't know I wasn't eating chocolate the rest of the month - this started after she went away. The box of junior mints is sitting in the office staring at me every time I come in here. Last night at her house though she tossed me a mini chocolate bar (one of the little halloween size ones) and before I new it I had it open and eaten. Now that goal is gone - I didn't do it because of one little almonds bar - the chocolate covered coconut was so tasty. I will not eat any more before the end of the month though. The junior mint box will remain untouched.

The biggest person trying to sabotage me though is my husband. I don't think he is capable of supporting me in this. All he ever wants to eat is processed crap and stuff smothered in sauces and such. Now don't get me wrong, I do love my processed crap too but in moderation. He wanted pogos and fries today for lunch and a huge rack of ribs for supper - smothered in bbq sauce. I turned down the lunch and he then cooked Kraft Dinner and gave me a whole cereal bowl full smothered in ketchup. I didn't eat much of it as it tasted way to salty and heck that was 3-4 portions in the bowl. Definately too much for anyone. Why can't he just give normal servings and then veggies. We have lots of carrots and celery sticks that would have been much better than a pile of pasta with fake cheese. Today isn't the only time, this is all the time. I have requested that he don't use so much salad dressing for me OR the kids. Ceasar salad is good and all but when you have so much cheese and salad dressing all you see is white when you look at the salad it's gross. Time to learn portion control. To help for me i've used a smaller plate - the same size kids use. He still uses a big plate and has it FULL of food. I'm not saying he shouldn't eat what he wants and has to cut way back like I have - but at least be supportive and eat better. If he cooks it would be great if he could make sure that the meal stays in a decent calorie range. I can't eat 2000 calories for supper when I only have 1800 for the WHOLE day. He doesn't understand this. I showed him the example between ceasar salad and chips. I made myself a salad and put it on the plate on one side, on the other side I put the number of chips that equaled the calories. There was less than 1/2 the chips, very little food. He thought it was great and had a salad instead and then ate 1/2 a big bag of chips as well. It's so frustrating that he doesn't care. I guess this is a huge hurdle in the way of reaching my goals and I'll have to find a way to deal with it.

Words

As I go through the week with Alex away it's interesting to read their status updates. Alex will go on and post that they just left wherever they have been. Great, I know he is ok - and I know it's him because only he could spell like he does. Then I read my dad's status update and I find out what they actually did and saw. That also leaves me feeling good to know they are having a great time, and are doing well. Although Alex is missing school all week he is learning alot of geography and history while away. He has a map of where the cruise ship is going. He's kayaked in Mexico, biked in Costa Rica and hiked in the jungle and today is going to visit an Embara Indian Tribe in Panama. Valuable lessons will be learned and great experiences had. I hope when he returns though his journal is a little more detailed as to the adventures he's been on.

Other interesting words to read are packages. I've learned to successfully read the nutrition information on packages. I can say i've had 400 calories so far today. Not bad seeing i've had breakfast and a snack. I'm allowed between 1400-1600 more. Coupons on packages can cause issues for cashiers in stores as well. I had one from a cereal box - to get a free box of cereal. The kids will eat the cereal as it's corn pops but they are lucky to have it. The cashier flipped the coupon over 3 times and then had to ask me what it was for. Maybe she couldn't read the big FREE on one side. I explained it to her and finally got the cereal free. Bonus is that on the new box of cereal I can get a free frozen OJ concentrate.

Words can give people so much satisfaction in many situations - knowing your family is safe, knowing that you are eating well or knowing something is free. All of these are great uses of words.

Ever fearful Weigh-In

I only do this once a week because all I need is to panic i'm not loosing anything and my efforts are pointless. This week I watched what I ate - weekend was free days - didn't eat chocolate or consume any pop. I made an effort to make better food choices while out as well. I worked out every second day. I want to try to up that to a little every day. I know the Wii fit board is accurate. My dad and son weighed their suitcases on it before going on their cruise. When we got to the airport and they were weighed again low and behold the exact same amount as at my house. This week I lost 3 lbs. Not a big number but definately a start. My goal is 25lbs before the end of June when the kids get out of school. That leaves 22lbs to goal.

What makes me feel good as it was simple changes that did this. Nothing really big.

Weekend update

Alex is on his cruise with my dad. The two will be gone another 8 days. I had to get up way to early to bring them to the airport but the benefit is I have a vehicle while they are away but the downside is they come home really late at night and I am usually in bed by then but have to go pick them up. I wish I could see his face as he sees so many things for the first time. I know they will come back with lots of pictures though.

The weight loss battle continues. I've been working out daily and really watching what I heat. Bob Harper (from the biggest loser) put out a challenge of no pop for the whole month. I decided to do join in on the challenge. Today was a hard day for it. We went to the movies and got a snack - I always get pop. I was strong - or maybe stupid - and asked for water. Not sure what they put in it but for the price you pay it should be good. Other times where I have had to try is when I took Timothy to Subway for lunch the other day. Pop would have been great with my meal - I always get it. I did good though and had milk instead. I feel really good because I didn't get the "usual" beverage of choice when I was out this week - rather opted for the healthier one. After eating way too many chocolates last weekend I also gave myself another challenge - NO chocolate for the rest of the month. I am doing AWESOME at this one as well. The temptation is right beside me - every day as I sit at the computer - but I don't touch it. My dad even had some dark chocolate and made me smell it and I still said NO - that one was easy because i'm not a dark chocolate fan. For me not to have pop or chocolate is a really hard thing but I am doing it. I'm not weighting myself in every day - I can't do that it would drive me crazy, my weigh in is on Mondays. I am hoping to see some good news.

Is this Rock Bottom??????

I'm really hoping this is what rock bottom feels like. I don't know if I can handle worse. I started a profile on the Biggest Loser Wii game and embarrassment set in hard. I have never been this heavy in my life and bet i'm the heaviest girl in the family now. Wouldn't be bad if I was the tallest in the whole family but i'm not, i'm the shortest. I should have known better when clothes weren't fitting quite right but I if I could just squeeze into them maybe things weren't that bad.

My biggest problem is food. I know I overeat and my portions are out of control some days - not like the 1/2 ton people on tv or anything like that - but definately more than someone my size should eat, or should I say more than someone what should be my size should eat. I also eat too much chocolate, donuts and other bad things. For starters chocolate and pop has been cut out of the diet for this month. I did have a pop on April 2nd before I started this, but just that one at the movie theater. Chocolate I cut yesterday and I didn't have ANY. Now those that know me well know that when af visits pepsi and chocolate are my best friends. It's time to find a healthy substitute for then though. I"m also going to be more aware of the amount of food I eat at meals. For starters Breakfast i'm actually going to have something other than just coffee. Yes, it's sad but i'm a coffee for breakfast person - but now it will go with something else. Lunch i'm going to make sure I eat at lunch time. Supper i'm going to take a little less than usual, especially on pasta night, and i'm going to get that meal down to a more healthy portion as time goes on.

Yesterday was a new start for me. I will never weigh that much again in my life. I weigh in once a week and will update on my progress. I need to be healthy for me and for my family. The cupboards are running low and i'm going to the grocery store this weekend. They will keep the junk food there and i'll bring home healthier options instead. I can do this and I will do this.

Time

It's been 2 weeks since i've worked. It's like I haven't been at work forever already but at the same time it's hard to beleive it's already been this long. Not many jobs out there that I qualify for so i'm enjoying my time while I have it. Today was nice getting some grocery shopping done with one helper. And a very big helper he is. He made the big decision about what package of cheese sticks we should buy. When we got to the yogurt section he reminded me that we needed more. Didn't quite understand why we didn't need as much as he wanted to buy though. He helped picking out the ham for Easter dinner. Laughed at some of them because they looked funny, wanted to buy bacon because it comes from a pig like ham does and he likes bacon so it must be the same thing. I obviously don't have ham nearly enough that my son can tell the difference. He wanted 2 big bags of potatoes and was shocked when that's what we got. With 6 of us regularly and extras now and then it really doesn't last all that long and they were a great price. He also got to pick what can of coffee we were going to buy. When we had those things mommy was more than happy when he wanted to look at the movies that were right by the Easter candy so the Easter Bunny could pick up some much needed chocolate. When it came time to pay he was distracted by the till while I put all the Easter candy on, then he helped. The cashier was great and bagged the candy for me - this was at Superstore where you are suppose to bag your own - so that the little Prince didn't see it. When we paid he even helped me make sure everything fit onto the stroller so we could walk home. I did get funny looks having a 3 year old and a stroller. Silly people, the stroller isn't for the kid - it's for the groceries. You can't seriously expect me to carry home all that heavy stuff and keep an active preschooler away from the road knowing that my hands are full. I have baby rings on the handle of the stroller that we unhooked one end and he held them nicely and at times the clip to lock the stroller together nicely, all the way home.

It was a great shopping trip with him today.

Relaxing

That is what my morning was like today. Very relaxing. And yes I did have to get all my kids up for school. I woke up 45 minutes later than usual by a little voice informing me "I have to pee mommy". I turned on the light and went back to bed. A couple minutes later my little prince came and joined me in bed so I turned on Treehouse and all was good. That seemed to have woken up the Princess who said she wanted to wear a dress to school. No big deal. I figure there is no more sleep in mommyland and with only 10 minutes before the alarm went off I wasn't too worried. The boys were awake enough to talk to me when I opened their doors. Their was no battle to get either of them out of bed. They ate breakfast and made their lunches and didn't fight. They got out the door to school and 2 of them had to be called back to get books they had forgotten. Little Prince wanted to play the wii so he did while I looked online for jobs. We had snack and played playdoh. Daddy called and wanted to have lunch together seeing he had an hour break today so off we went. Now we are home and it's quiet time - and he is being really quiet so I don't dare disturb him.

Wonder

A sense of freedom finally. At least for a little bit that is. Today, with my doctors note in hand I let my company know that I no longer work for them. The doctor took me off work until after they close. It's amusing about how a company as big as the contracted one can look at all the people here at my company and say they no longer will have a contract here. They don't really give us any real reason though except it's definately not because we are sending it to where people only make $2 an hour. Yet it's amusing how after the announcement of our center closing they opened a brand new one in Costa Rica - just in time to take all of our jobs. But that's not why they closed us. They won't come out and say anything to us about the real reason for leaving. My center had the best customer satisfaction scores - we made the people happy. Even when they were frustrated not to be calling Canada most of the time they call and to finally get someone here, we made them happy. Now, the customers will have way less chance of getting Canada and they won't be happy. They won't be happy when they can't understand what the agent is saying. They won't be happy when things are done to their accounts without permission. They won't be happy when find out that their company has pulled this many Canadian jobs. They won't be happy when they don't get the savings. They will be happy though when they switch companies. Yet, it's all business why they pulled the plug on our contract. It has nothing to do with customer satisfaction and for the fact that their customers liked us up here in Thunder Bay. For this they can go knowing that they have definately pissed off a huge chunk of their customers.

For now, they did do a good thing, I get to spend some time with my children. Much needed quality time. While of course looking for other employment on the side. I get to play with play doh, colour, play with legos, play ninja turtles and transformers, play in the dirt, play at the park, take my Little Prince to the library, do all the fun things I use to be able to do all day. They have also made my oldest Prince very happy - he gets to sleep in an extra hour. For these things I thank them for leaving us.